Love and Lust

“Great practice, girls!!” Coach called.

Mr. Gordon was only being nice, I knew it wasn’t that great today. We ran into a huddle to discuss strategy for our game against Kingston High the next day.
I loved our coach, more than anything. This wasn’t a school-girl crush – this was true love. I would do anything for him. He was the first man who believed in me and he made it known. I had never had great marks in school but I was an excellent soccer player.

Unfortunately, to be on the school’s team, you had to excel in academics too. Coach knew this, and he had put in a lot of extra time to get my marks where they needed to be. We had spent a lot of time together after school because he tutored me privately.

Of course I had fantasized about a sexual encounter with him. He was gorgeous. Every girl in the school lusted after him… We gossiped about it constantly. My friends were extremely jealous that Mr. Gordon and I got to spend so much time together “after hours”. They teased me all the time about it.

“He’s so sexy, Karen… I don’t know how you stay in your seat when he’s around you,” they would say.
“That’s easy,” I always replied, “unlocked doors.” We would laugh.

Today had been a difficult practice. We were under a lot of pressure to beat Kingston – It was our last game against them of the season. I was really frustrated with myself, I felt I hadn’t played my best. Not only that, but I was going through a lot at home with my parents. Even though my grade average had gone from a D to a B, it still wasn’t good enough for them.

I had confided in Mr. Gordon in the past about my problems with my parents. He was always sympathetic but not to the point where he was completely on my side.

“I know they’re hard on you, maybe a little too hard… but they do want the best for you, Karen.”
“I know, coach, it’s just hard.”
“I’ll help you get there,” he would look me straight in the eyes as he said that, forcing my legs to turn to figurative jelly. “Don’t call me coach, either!” he teased, “I told you, you can call me Ben outside of school hours. You make me feel aged,” he smirked.

Ben was young and gorgeous, only ten years my senior. He had deep brown eyes and the most attractive smile I had ever seen. I always worked harder in my classes knowing he was tracking my grades and my teachers always reported to him. I craved his approval and praise. They had noticed a change in me since he became my coach, and were quick to compliment him on his hard work with me. I overheard him talking to one of my teachers once about my improvements.

“She just needed someone to guide her,” he said, “someone to believe in her. She’s really smart – she’s just never had anyone tell her that before. Believing in someone can make all the difference.”

Hearing him talk about me that way, my heart skipped a beat. I had fallen in love with him that day.

I was mad at myself for allowing such an impossible crush develop in my head. Nothing could ever happen between myself and Ben. Even if he found me attractive, he was too honest and cared about his job way too much to jeopardize it by falling for a student.

The whole time coach had been talking strategy with us after that lousy practice, I was trying to pay attention but my mind was elsewhere. He must have known it because he asked me to stay while everyone else went to shower.

“Shower time, ladies. Get well-rested tonight and I’ll see you tomorrow. Dream about winning tonight!” he shouted after them as they ran to the showers. “Karen, before you go can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked.

My friends made rude sex-themed gestures behind his back and laughed as they joined the rest of the team. I smiled and shook my head at them.

“What’s up, coach?” I asked.
“What was up with your game today, Karen? I can always tell when you’re upset. You still play better than everyone on the team, but you’re mind is somewhere else. Are you okay?”
“I’m alright, I guess,” I replied.
“You know you can talk to me if you need to, right?”
“I know, Ben. Thanks. It’s just my parents again. They won’t lay off. I feel like I’m just never going to be good enough for them. They get in fights because of me.”
“Don’t feel that way, Karen. If they are fighting it’s not your fault. Don’t ever think that. I know that being a teenager can be rough but you’ll get through it. You’re a bright young woman and you’re very talented. Think positive thoughts,” he said as he smiled. He put one arm around me and squeezed. “No worries, kid,” he winked.
“I’ll play better for you tomorrow, coach. I promise.”
“Don’t play better for me, Karen,” he said, “play better for yourself.”
I looked at him in the eyes when he said this. He really cared about me. “Thanks, Ben,” I replied, slightly teary-eyed. He held my gaze longer than he usually did. He had the most sympathetic expression on his face. Almost as if his heart hurt at the sight of me crying. He brought his hand up to my face and rubbed away a tear that had creeped its way out of my eye.
“Will you be okay today?”
“Yeah, coach,” I replied, feeling absolutely foolish. I blushed and dropped my head, rubbing the rest of my tears away. I turned from Ben immediately, grabbed my gym bag and started toward the showers. “Thanks for your help, Ben!” I called as I walked quickly off the field. “You always know what to say!”

Just as I was about to enter the school I turned back to look at Ben. He was sitting on the bench with his head in his hands. He looked up at me and I stared back. He was much too far away for me to read any expression. I sighed and entered the school.

Everyone else had finished showering by the time I got to the locker room. Luckily I had first period spare and there was no girls’ gym class in the morning. I was free to shower in peace and quiet. What was I thinking? Ben just cares about me as much as any teacher cares about a student they like. But what was that look in his eyes? Would any teacher brush a tear off your cheek? I’d never had any teacher like me before Ben, so I had no idea how close was too close. He could never be too close, I thought. I stripped down to nothing and grabbed my towel. I started at myself in the full length mirror. I didn’t hate my body. I was pretty thin but I had a lot of muscle. I was proud of this because I liked feeling strong. My breasts were a decent size – not overly huge but I wasn’t flat either. The only thing I wasn’t particularly fond of, was my thighs. A little on the thick side – probably from all the running I did. Still, the rest wasn’t so bad. I sighed. I let my long blonde hair fall over my shoulders, and I stepped into the shower.

Hot water poured over my shoulders down my breasts and back. I stretched my hands over my head and let my head fall back as far as it would go to let the water run over my entire body. The showers and locker room had gotten pretty steamed up by this point and it was difficult to see anything; not that I cared since I knew I had at least 45 minutes to be alone. I began thinking about Ben again. I started getting turned on as I thought of what he would be like in bed. I imagined he would be very gentle with me at first, but then once he realized I wasn’t delicate, he might get a little rougher. My nipples were erect as I ran my hands over them and one hand down my tight stomach to my well-groomed vagina. I touched myself and moaned a bit. I never really masturbated all that much, it kind of made me feel weird, but it did feel nice to be touched once in a while, even if it was by my own hand. I was a virgin because of lack of effort. Guys would occasionally approach me but I always felt I had too much baggage and didn’t want to saddle any poor guy with that. After I met Ben, I didn’t really look at other guys – even though I knew Ben and I would never be together. I figured I would just wait until I was out of high school to start looking for a relationship.

I touched myself a little bit longer but felt embarrassed and stopped. My eyes had been closed and I thought I probably looked like an idiot. Not that it mattered but I couldn’t get over my own hang-ups. I opened my eyes to thick steam surrounding me. Thick steam, and the outline of what looked like a person. I gasped but then figured my eyes were just playing tricks on me. My heart raced. Whatever the outline was, it didn’t move. I squinted but really couldn’t make anything out. I assumed if it was just some girl who had wandered in here, she would have left by now since she did awkwardly witness me touching myself.

“Hello?” I called out into the steam, just to be safe.
“Hi,” he replied. It was Ben.

For some reason, I didn’t scream, I didn’t turn away, I didn’t try to cover my body.

“Hi,” I said. Was this a dream? Was Ben actually standing there, watching me shower – no – watching me touch myself? I wasn’t scared. I had never felt safer than when I was around Ben. Should I have been scared? There was no one around and I was completely vulnerable.

“You forgot your backpack on the field,” he said, still staring at me. I don’t know why, but I was completely comfortable.
“Oh, thanks,” I replied. “I guess you can just throw it on the bench by the lockers,” I suggested. Ben didn’t move.
“Why aren’t you freaking out that I’m in here?” he asked.
“I don’t know, Ben,” I said honestly, “probably because you look a lot more freaked out than I feel,” I laughed. He looked terrified, yet he didn’t avert his eyes.

“You were touching yourself,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Yep,” I admitted. I didn’t really know what else to say. It’s not like I could lie – he had seen me do it. I didn’t care, it’s not like he could tell anyone. I didn’t say anything else and neither did Ben. I figured it didn’t really matter what I did now since he had already witnessed me masturbating in the nude. I continued showering as if he wasn’t standing in front of me. I think this drove him slightly nuts. He still hadn’t moved, he just stood there watching me. After a few more minutes I guess it dawned on him what he had done. He finally withdrew his gaze. He was flustered and began walking away.

“I’m really sorry, Karen. I d-don’t know what I was thinking c-coming in here,” he stammered. “I can’t believe… I mean… I could lose my job. Oh my god, I’m going to lose my job,” he said, his tone etched with fright.
“You would only lose your job if I told someone and I’m not going to do that,” I said, “I would never do that to you.”
“You wouldn’t?” he asked.
“Of course not, Ben.”
“Okay,” he said, “well, I’m really sorry anyway. This was completely inappropriate.”
“You’re leaving?” I asked.
“I should go,” he replied, but didn’t move. “Do you want me to leave, Karen?” he asked.
“No, I don’t,” I replied honestly.
“Oh thank God,” he said. He pulled his shirt over his head and unbuttoned his pants. He let them fall to his ankles and stepped out of them. He was absolutely beautiful. His body was darkly tanned and his muscles were defined. The room was still steamy so beads of perspiration had started forming over his tight abs. I could see he had a massive erection under his boxer-briefs just getting to be released. Was this actually happening? I thought. I could see the outline of his penis. I didn’t have much to compare him to, like I said, I was a virgin; but he was still much bigger than any guy I had ever seen before.

“I want to see you,” I said. He removed his briefs. “Oh, Ben,” I gasped. My jaw dropped slightly at the sight of him. Not only was his penis big in terms of length but thick, too. “Oh my god, Ben,” I whispered. My whole body was aching with anticipation. I had no idea what was going to happen now. Well, I had an inkling, but how it would transpire, I had no clue.

Ben walked over to me and stood under the running water. He was so close to me but hadn’t quite touched my body with his yet. I was practically jumping out of my skin. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I wanted to run my hands over every part of his body. He was like art.

“I’ve never done this before, Ben,” I admitted. There was no point in lying. Besides, I figured if I was bad he may as well know why.
“What?” He said, “How is that possible? How can you be a virgin when you’re you?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Guys at school fall all over you and you’re telling me you’ve never slept with anyone? Karen, you’re absolutely beautiful; inside and out. I just don’t understand,” he took a step back. “We don’t have to do this. I don’t want to ruin you,” he said.
“NO!” I shouted and grabbed at his arm. “Please, Ben. Don’t go,” I pleaded.
“Karen, you’re so sweet and you’re so innocent. I don’t want you to feel pressured. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“What makes you think I don’t want this?” I said with a touch of anger. “Do you know why I’m a virgin?” I demanded. “I’ve never wanted anyone else. From the moment I met you I-” I stopped, but there was no going back now. “From the moment we met I never wanted anyone but you,” I finished, quietly. I was embarrassed for the first time since Ben had walked in on me.
“What?” He asked, in a whisper.
“I’m a virgin because I only want you,” I repeated. “I’m sorry.” Tears were starting to build in my eyes. Surely I had ruined what could have been something discreet and sexy and fun. I had ruined it by being completely foolish. I should have never told him that.
“Why are you sorry?” he asked.
“Because I’m just a stupid kid,” I replied.
“No you aren’t, Karen.”
“Yes, I am.”

Ben looked me straight in the eyes. “Karen, I haven’t had sex with anyone since I met you. I know that sounds stupid but I haven’t. I tried to once with this girl I met at a bar, but all I could think of was you. I considered transferring schools because of it but I couldn’t leave you. Karen, you’re unlike anyone I have ever met before. I can’t even begin to tell you how incredible I think you are,” he finished. Ben took my head in his hands. “If you’re stupid then so am I. and if that means I get to be with you, well, good.” He kissed me hard.

I was standing naked in a public shower with the man I loved. He had touched nothing but my face so far. This was probably the most bizarre and intimate encounter I had ever had with anyone. He let his hands fall from my face but continued kissing me softly. His hands made their way around to my lower back and pulled me into a very warm embrace. Water was pouring over our bodies as our tongues became acquainted. I could feel his strong arms engulf me. Never had I felt more loved or safer with anyone else. His erection was pressed up against me and I knew I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside my body.

Ben’s strong hands wandered just below my ass and he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he moved us so that he could use the wall to help support me.

“Are you okay, Karen?” he asked. I could hear the worried tone. “If you’re not, we can stop. We can always wait.”
“I’ve waited long enough, Ben,” I laughed. He was looking up at me smiling.
“I just don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted.
“It’s okay, Ben,” I said, “I know you would never hurt me intentionally.” I ran my fingers through his wet hair and kissed him.
“I am so in love with you, Karen,” he said. I had waited years to hear him say that and it sounded as sweet as I could have ever imagined.
“Oh my god, Ben. I love you so much,” I replied as I brought my head closer to his and kissed him passionately.

He hoisted me up once more so that I was just above his erection. He was holding my gaze in his. I think he wanted to see my expression when he entered me. I could see the concern on his face and, not wanting him to stop, I tried to conceal any expression of pain. He brought me down very slowly over his penis. It hurt a bit but mostly he felt amazing inside me. I was stretching over him and, although it was a little painful, he went so slowly that I could barely tell how big I must have been stretching to fit him inside me. After all, he was massive. Once he had penetrated me slowly a few times, it started to feel extremely good. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back as a moaned with pleasure.

“Oh, Ben. Oh my god Ben,” I gasped. I looked down at him and he was absolutely gleeful. His penis was gliding in and out effortlessly and rubbing against my clit with each thrust. An intense feeling was slowly building inside me. I had never experienced an orgasm before but I knew Ben wouldn’t stop until he had given me an immense amount of pleasure. I was absolutely thrilled at the thought of what was happening right now. My legs began to tingle and my whole body was hot. My heart was pounding and I could only breathe in short gasps.

“Breathe deeply, Karen. It will feel better if you take deep long breaths,” he said.
“I d-don’t think I c-can, Ben,” I whined.
“I’ll stop if you don’t do what I say. Please don’t make me stop, Karen. Trust me. Breathe slowly. Relax, sweetheart.”

The last thing I wanted was for him to stop fucking me so I obeyed without question. I slowed my breathing. My legs began to twitch and then it was as if I could no longer feel them.

“Mmm, Ben. Fuck me harder,’ I pleaded. He obeyed.

He started pounding into me faster and deeper. That was what I needed to push me over the edge. It was like every nerve in my body exploded with delight. I had never felt so good in my life. I moaned his name over and over again as my body shook with pleasure. It was so intense that I couldn’t think straight. Ben continued to fuck me and cried out my name has he came inside me. I could feel his warm semen fill me and my body shook with another small orgasm, not nearly as intense as the first one had been, but a perfect end to our shower-session. Ben let my legs fall to the floor but held me in tight embrace which was really good considering I didn’t think I could hold myself up. He kissed my head, my nose, my cheeks and then finally my lips.

“I never want to let you go, Karen,” he said.
“I feel the same way, Ben,” I replied.