A Failed Love

I saw him. Almost like a dream, he stood there; body slumped to one side, shorts hanging loosely like all the other guys. His mess of brown hair and angular face and tall frame almost caused me to fall to my knees. It was him. That beautiful creature I had met so many years ago. Tears fell unrestrained down my hot cheeks. Then his head cocked to one side. He saw me. His body went stiff.

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. His gentle eyes staring at me in alarm. Mine, probably staring at him in guilt and sad happiness. He walked over, and my knees gave way. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried till I struggled to breathe, and tried to make sense of reality. He looked alarmed, shaken, distressed. I did this to him. I messed him up. My hands curled around my stomach as I sunk lower, tears puddling below me. I really deserved this kind of humiliation and lowliness. After everything that I’ve done… overdone… I’ve caused damage to the person I was in passionate love with. I destroyed it.

“Jen..?” His voice was weak, gentle, and sad.
I looked at him. I looked into his hazel eyes. But I couldn’t force the name out.

It was my love, my obsession. The first guy who wanted me as much as I wanted him. In my heart and mind, he possessed me completely. And that’s what made me get carried away. More tears blurred my vision.

“I’m… sorry.” I coughed out between wheezes and gasps for air.

“You shouldn’t be. Look what you’ve turned into.” He said quietly. Sadly. He was feeling guilty too. My heart did a somersault within the chaos inside me. He sat beside me and my tears started to dry.

After a minute or so, I looked distraught. I looked slightly away from his face, but always looking at him.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself all the time.” He said, a bit more confidently. His words always seemed to warm me when I felt the coldest.

“You should have told me.” I said sadly, stupidly, giving myself a mental kick in the head for good measure.

“I know I should have. I was just… so scared. You wouldn’t stop. You talked about me all the time; you wanted me ALL the time. I was flattered, but…”

I grimaced and looked away.

“You needed to stop.”

“And I did.” my voice broke; more tears flew down my face unchecked. “I never said a word to you after it happened. When you told me this, I thought anything I said to you was poison. And I couldn’t do anything about it. Anything.”

“You were driving me crazy, Jen. You should have seen-”

“I never KNEW I hurt you!” I cried, “You should have TOLD me!”

I sucked in air.

“I WANTED to see what I did to you. I fantasized after seeing what damage I did to you. Whether you were in tears or whether you wanted to rip the insides from me. Do you know why? I wanted to punish myself equally for it. I wanted to feel the sting. I wanted to suck in the guilt that I deserve!! I wanted this to be fair! Because I love you…” I trailed off.

He looked as hurt as I felt.

I shivered. The air suddenly becoming icy. I was in the wrong. And I was complaining. I was complaining for him. I was the filth who ruined this. As I had always told myself after he left me, the dickless should never assume the role of dick. I was a selfish dick. Now my dick has been chopped off. Now I am nothing. I knew in my heart that I deserved the pain that I got.

“I… still care about you.” he said quietly.

More warmth flowed across my skin like the glow of summer.

“I still love you,” I said, “even if you hook up with girls,” he grimaced, “marry, or even have children. I still love you. I probably wouldn’t love you the same way but I will love you. I will love you like a friend. A caring friend.”

We were silent for a while; I was deathly scared I said something wrong. That I was making it worse. He looked at me, through my pathetic act. Then he sighed and stood up. I looked at him.

“Let’s make a truce. I don’t like seeing you like this. It hurts me.” He took my cold hands and lifted me up. “We shouldn’t end like this. I want us to be friends for as long as it takes.”

A smile lighted my face as more tears came streaming down. I licked my dry lips.

After about five minutes, I had a bottle of water in my hand and was downing it to replenish the water I had lost. And, despite my cruel self discipline and firm set will to be a better person, I still fell weak to his hidden charms: his caring, his innocence, his over inflated ego which always seemed to turn me into a succumbing obedient sex kitten for him. Despite my emotional wreck and humiliation, I still felt the tingles of excitement inside and my pussy juice drenched my panties in a gooey wetness.

He led me through the crowds of people and to a shaded corner of the street. All the while his hand was around me protectively, hiding me away from the burning stares of the people around me. I felt as natural with him as I did by myself alone. He made the badness go away.

I breathed deep into his thick shirt. The texture rubbed on my cheek. It felt so good. Like a musky male scent, his long arms wrapped around me into a well deserved hug; I felt at home. My body and mind at perfect ease and I sighed in blissful peace.

“I love you.” He said, awkwardly, but intently. I smiled at his attempt.

“I love you too. What you feel now is all for you.” I said quietly. Not wanting to interfere like I had did those many years ago.

We hugged each other for ever. Every movement and position of my head was more comfortable than any piece of furniture ever built. His body was solid, but soft. I snuggled my head against his chest. Who cared if I was shorter than him? I nuzzled his torso. And to my delight, he laughed.

“You’re so cute. You’re cuter than any girl I’ve ever seen.”

My eyes sparkled as I looked up at him. I have turned into a sex kitten, lapping up any compliment he gave me and savoring it no matter how ridiculous it was.

I suddenly became aware of the public noticing our love bird display. I turned bright red and looked at him in question.

“I might have someplace better to go.”

I sighed in relief.

He took my hand tightly and led me down the alley towards the back street. Then we climbed up on a low- rise rooftop and climbed our way up to the top. A two story building. Once at the top, I gazed in awe as the sun slowly dipped below the endless maze of stone buildings. Turning blood red as the time went on. It was a gorgeous sight. I looked at his beautiful face again. That young, wise face. He really did amaze me with his maturity and his wisdom of things when he had talked to me. I admired him so much for that. I suddenly became hot and weak. He grabbed me in a quick stifling hug, and he pressed his lips to mine. My mind drifted, like I was floating on a cloud of pure pleasure and infinite happiness. As his mouth became tamer, I then started to suck him, licking the tender parts of his mouth and breathing deep into him. He responded with the same kiss, his tongue flooding into my mouth, and I found myself letting out a deep moan of affection. I wanted more, always more. My eyes closed slightly and I arched my back into him, moaning a little more. I felt his arousal against my leg, and it only made me hotter. I was completely vulnerable to him. And I loved it. Whatever he wanted to do to me, he could do to me.

He then pulled me down against the pavement, his hands shaking as he ripped off his shirt and slid his thick hands underneath my tank top. I looked at the pleasure in his face, loving every bit of it. Of him. I lost concentration for a second when his fingertips brushed down my stomach. It tickled. I blushed. It felt so good. I moaned again, arching my back a bit more, and exposing my neck. Weakening my legs. He started to kiss my neck, sucking it fiercely. My eyes rolled back in my head. Yes. I thought. God yes.. His hand then grabbed my breast and I watched him in lust, kneading it, rolling it in his hand, and pinching my nipple that went hard instantly. I never told him that it hurt. Pain for some reason aroused me more. I was turning into a sadist with him, I laughed to myself.

I then began getting impatient with our clothes. I slowly grabbed the bottom of my shirt and ever so slowly, I peeled my shirt above my head, letting him see everything. I then did the same with my jeans, peeling them off till i was completely naked lying under him. I then squirmed, arching my back and moving my hips around in earnest. I wanted to be luscious for him. I wanted his eyes to feast on me before his body did. I wanted it to be the best thing that will ever happen to him.

“This is all for you.” I whispered in a low deep voice while smiling at him with my eyes; cast full of love for him.

“No. This is for us.” His mouth then crooked into that half smile I’ve wanted to see my whole life. It was so quirky and adorable. I wanted it to be mine.

I felt my sex fill with warm slippery liquid and it dripped over my ass and onto the pavement beneath. The scent of me filling the air around me. He looked intoxicated. He then stood up, Ripped his jeans off with as much force as he could. I blushed deeper, flinching at the sudden act of violence, and smiling at the awkwardly random way he did it. He was really perfect. His dick springing up hard and thick, and quickly knelled over me. I spread my legs.

I nearly cried out in pleasure as I felt his dick against me. He looked alarmed for a second, and I smiled. He was always so cute. But I spread my legs, his eyes glazed over in primitive lust, and he thrust inside me. I nearly blacked out. All I could remember was his dick fucking me so hard, and I met his thrusts and grunted as I felt his dick penetrate me and nudge the entrance to my womb. My sex swelled at the very thought of how primitive it was. It was pure sex. In the heat of it, I flipped over, and he dug his fingers into the flesh of my hips and fucked me even harder, his balls slapping against my ass. I wanted his cum, I wanted him to mate me so bad, and I was getting more than I ever wanted. I let myself go completely, moaning in a thick pleading voice. Cum… I thought over and over again. As if his seed were ecstasy itself. And almost instantly, I felt the throbbing of his dick and I pressed him inside me. A wave of hot sticky cum flooded me, and I made sure every drop came inside.

I’m sure a part of me doesn’t deserve this. I’m sure this is just too much ecstasy for a person like me. Having to enjoy him this much was beyond incredible. But as I lay on the pavement, with his head resting on my heart, his cute sleepy eyes drifting off, I thought to myself, I may not deserve this kind of happiness, but out of everyone in the world, I know he does. I then brushed the back of his head with my fingertips, feeling the tiny hairs spring back into place. I noted the time when he said he wanted to shave his head. At first I didn’t get it cause he showed me a picture of his girl with a shaved head. I smirked. Dumb me. I thought he adored it on girls in general. I laughed. I became all uncertain of his tastes in women when he said that. But as I brushed his neck with my fingertips, I started to drift off into sleep as the sun steeped below the horizon.

I lifted my eyes to see his sleepy emotional eyes staring at me. I know that, at some point, he did love me. He said he loved me more than I loved him. Those few moments of being happy together were worth the years spent suffering for him. Those were the moments I was happiest. That memory I’ll cherish forever. My eyelids fluttered, then dreams stole my peaceful mind.