Obsession

My name is Jessica but everyone calls me Jess, now 21 years old. I’m trying to put my life back together from an experience no one should ever have to deal with. Here is my story-
Hearing the words on the other end of the phone takes me back 3 years to a time a I had been fighting so hard to forget and those 2 little words, “he’s out”, brings it all back as if it was yesterday. I was 18 years old at this time and still a virgin trying so hard to hold on to a sacred piece of me to give to a man at some point in my life that I was in love with. I had went out with this guy named Cody a few weeks but had stopped seeing him because of his overpowering obsession he seemed to have. He had began to stalk me and the restraining order I had to take out on him seemed to have enraged him. I remember it oh so well, I had left the party prematurely, exhausted from dancing and the fact that I had to go into work early the next morning. Any other time, I would have stayed with my friends until the end of our regular girl’s night out and I would have either spent the night at Sarah’s house or she with me. That thought still haunts me til this day, if she had came home with me, would that have prevented that horrible nightmare or would have she been hurt too? I would have not been able to live with someone else getting hurt because of something intended for me.

It was 12:37 am when I pulled into my driveway. Grabbing my house keys, purse, and locking my car, I made my way towards the front door. As I stuck the key in the doorknob, a familiar voice speaks out from behind me, “Hello Jess!” My legs seemed to turn to jelly, I tried to turn around but my body was frozen. His arms grabbed around me, squeezing me so tight that the oxygen in my lungs felt as if it was being squeezed out. I managed to speak, “why are you here, Cody, what do you want?” “I came to talk to you, to make you understand”, he answered in an agitated voice. I gritted my teeth, trying to break free without any luck, I screamed, “we have nothing to talk about!” Pulling a pistol to rest on my right temple, he whispers, “oh, you will talk to me!”. He instructs me to open the door. Pushing me inside, he slams and locks the door behind him, never taking his eyes or the gun off of me. He orders me to sit down on the sofa, as he walks towards me. My body tense with fear, I obeyed. My mind racing, trying to figure a way out, scared that the only way was going to be in a body bag. I tried to speak as calmly as I could, my voice was shaking revealing what my body was feeling. “Cody, why are you doing this?” Bringing his lips to the edge of mine, at the same time sliding the barrel of the gun up my calf, over my knee, slipping it on up my thigh, resting the barrel in between my legs. I was wearing a sheer red tight fitting top that exposed the cleavage of my size38DDs and a black mini-skirt that allowed me to feel the cold steel on my skin, as he ran the gun up my leg.

The see-thru black thongs did not keep me from feeling the tip of the gun pressing against my clit, he replied, “I’m going to show you how much I want you.” His mouth pressed hard on mine. Biting my lips, I could taste the blood, forcing them apart, shoving his tongue deep in my throat. His hand sliding the barrel of the gun up and down the length of my thong covered pussy. My body frozen from fear of what he was about to do and afraid of that gun going off between my legs. He lifts up, only to pull me down to the floor on my back. Straddling on top of me, he reached around his back, laying the gun on top of the sofa cushion, he pulled some rope out the back of his pants. I began to push and slap at him, trying to get away, screaming mean things at him. We looked as if we were in a wrestling match. My knee came up at the right time kneeing him in his balls, doubling him over. I struggled and managed to break free, I stand to my feet and reach for the gun. My hand on the butt of the gun, he comes up grabs the barrel pulling it from me, then slapping me across the jaw with it. Crashing to the floor, he pounces on top of me, pressing the gun to my head, screaming, “You Bitch, I ought to just blow your fucking brain’s out, right here, right now!” He grabs me by my shirt and drags me back over in front of the sofa.

Not able to give him a fight, I could feel my jaw and eye swelling, (later I found out my jaw was cracked), he grabbed both of my arms, lifting them over my head crossing at the wrists and bound them to the leg of the sofa. Next, I could feel him ripping my blouse off like it was a piece of paper exposing my bra. I could see him reach and take something out of the side of his pants leg. It was a knife. He took the knife and with the tip traced my body, starting at my arms tracing down then up to my neck and face, back up and down to my breast and stomach. Every once in awhile the knife would scratch just enough to draw blood to the surface. He finally rested the knife at my bra, slipping it underneath right in the middle and with one grip, cut it into. My size 38DDs knew no shame as they just sprung out. I could hear a moan escape his lips, he bent down replacing the knife with his tongue, licking, sucking, and biting my nipples. Biting so hard it felt like he was biting them off. I would scream out in pain. It seemed to turn him on even more. His hand began to tug on my skirt pushing it down, his mouth not letting up in the least on my breast. Tears streaming down my fast, I was begging him to stop as much as I could with my jaw swelling and blood in my mouth. He ignored that part of me. He lifted up to finish, pulling my skirt off from around my ankles.

He slid his tongue from my toes back up my leg alternating between both legs. Grabbing his gun, he takes and follows behind every lick, kiss, and nibble. His mouth reaching the black thongs I had on, he began to nibble between my legs, forcing them open, tonguing my pussy through my thong. Breaking his silence, he says, “mmmmmmm, you smell so sweet, I can’t wait to taste you.” I began to twist and close my legs, trying to force him away, kicking and kneeing him hard. His anger rises and he looks at me shouting, “Do you want me to break those legs to keep them still?” He slides back up next to me, leaning down next to my ear. I snatch my had and he grabs my face keeping it still, I scream in pain because of my jaw, he leans in again and whispers, “It didn’t have to be like this, all you had to do was be with me, you made this choice. This is not how I wanted it.” I took the pain of my jaw as I spit in his face and told him to go to hell. He wiped off his face and reached for the rope he didn’t use, he began to whip me all over my body, leaving whelps rising on top of my skin. He looked at me hard in my eyes and spoke, “when are you going to get it, I’m in control!” I just closed my eyes wanting so much to wake up from this horrible nightmare. I could feel my thongs scraping down my thigh. Opening my eyes, I seen him pulling them off with his teeth. Prying my legs opened, he buried his face in my hole, sucking my clit, pinching it between his teeth, running his tongue to the opening slit of my pussy. Entering me with his tongue, he began to tongue fuck me, alternating between slow, soft strokes to hard fast ones. My body going against me feeling my juices flowing. Though as much as my body was betraying me, the whole act disgust me to feeling sick to my stomach. I could feel him begin to slip his finger right at the opening. Reaching down, he grabs his gun again bringing it between my legs he slides the tip inside my slit, moving it in and out and I begged him, “Cody, please, don’t, don’t take my virginity like this, don’t let my first time be so brutal!” He raised his head and asked, “You are a VIRGIN?” Instead of this information having any effect on reaching a human emotion, it seemed to arouse him even more. He said, “that’s good to know, I wouldn’t want a pistol to take something so personal, that should be a gift given to me.”

He, then took his knees and pryed my legs apart, positioned his body, took his cock and placed it right inside of my opening. He leaned over so that I could feel his breath as he thrust his cock inside, he uttered the words, “You are mine forever!” It was so tight, he came to a stop like a brick wall. He told me if I would relax, it would go much easier, as if this was a mutual sex encounter. With that said, he thrust hard and deep. The pain was unbearable. Screams escaped my mouth from deep in my throat, tears streamed down my face. I could feel something gush out between my legs. He must have felt it too. He raised up, slid down between my legs and began to lick the blood that he caused to escape me. Licking and sucking as if he was a vampire. Once he was finished, he repositioned himself and again thrust his cock deep in me. Pulling it out all the way to the tip and plunging it in deep. Never slowing his strokes, he mumbled that my blood now ran through his veins and I would always be his. I tried to block him out and what he was doing to me, letting my mind escape to a place of serenity. My mind was drawn back hearing his moans getting louder and his body began to tense more and more. He fucked harder and harder, I knew he was about to cum. A relief began to stir in me knowing it was almost over. His head rared back, a moan released from deep in his stomach and I could feel his seed spilling deep inside of me. He collapsed on top of me, laying there which seemed like hours. Then in an instant, he got up, pulled on his clothes, cut me loose, kissed my lips, said I love you and was gone.

As soon as I heard the door close, I got to my feet, my body feeling the pain that he had inflicted on me, made my way to the door and locked it. I grabbed my cell phone lying on the floor, afraid of not being able to talk from my jaw, I sent a text to Sarah, HELP ME, 911!!!!! I collapsed to the floor, emotions rushing in waiting for someone to rescue me. Some time past, I could hear the sirens, I prayed, “please be for me.” Minutes later, an officer kicked in my front door. I remember him calling for an ambulance and asking me who did this to me? The name Cody left my lips as I looked up saw my friend Sarah crying and then I lost consciousness until waking up in the hospital. I was told later, when they went to arrest him that he seemed surprised. He admitted being at my house, told the officers we had gotten back together and that what had happened was consensual. That I asked him to do those things to me. I was into that sort of thing.
He was arrested and had a trial ending with a guilty plea, sentenced to prison for 10 years. It has only been 3 years, how could I be receiving this dreaded call stating, “he’s out!”

I yelled, “How is that possible?” Mr. Daniels stated, “How ironic, he’s out on parole for good behavior, so he will finish out his sentence on probation.” Tears streaming down my face, anger and fear rushing throughout my body as he continue to say, “I wanted you to know first hand and that we are having an officer placed outside of your home for a few weeks for precautions.A rush of anxiety whelped up inside of me remembering his last words to me, “When I get out, I’m coming for you.” 6 months has passed and some of the looking over my shoulder has subsided. No contact or slightest evidence of any threat from him had been known. We began to move on forward letting the past begin to be buried where it deserved to be, with only an occasional set back of fear from nightmares or a check-in from now and then by my parents or Sarah staying the night once in awhile for the company to block out the lonely, depressed night filled with reminders. 3 years, 6 months, 5 days, 12 hours, and 33 minutes to be exact, I was standing in my kitchen at the sink, bacon and eggs cooking on the stove, bread in the toaster preparing me a little something to eat, I hear that familiar voice piercing through me once again, “Hello, Jess.”

I spun around staring him eye to eye. “I told you I was coming back for you”, he exclaimed! Dropping his eyes down to search the stove, he went on to say, “seems just in time, I’m starving!” His eyes moved towards me, looking at me up and down as if he was undressing me, he mumbles, “hungry for a few things.” “Cody, why are you doing this? Please just leave me alone. Hasn’t there been enough of our lives destroyed?” I pleaded. He moved closer, I could feel his breath on my neck, he replied, “You put me in hell for 3 years, and for 3 years I hated you and wanted you so bad at the same time.” Anger rose inside of me and I thought one of us wasn’t walking out of here alive. I wasn’t going down without a fight this time, enough was enough.I looked at him dead in his eyes and said, “I didn’t send you to prison, YOU raped me, you sent yourself “, I nudged him out of the way and made my way to the stove. I turned off the burners, fixed what was going to be my plate, turned and looked at him and said, “Your last meal, eat up!” I stood at the counter, while he smugly picked up the plate and sat down at the bar. “You sure you don’t want to share, you may need your strength later?”, his sarcastic voice spoke. I said nothing, just stood there-staring, my mind searching for what my next move would be. I could see his guard slightly lowering as he gobbled down the plate of food meant for me. He pretended to have manners by picking up his plate and moving past me towards the far counter to place the plate in the sink. That’s when I made my move. I darted for the door. Reaching the door knob, I felt the pain of him grabbing me by the back of my head, pulling me by the hair back into the middle of the room. Slinging me down hard onto the floor, knocking the breath out of me. Pain shot through my ribs, he growls,

“Where do you think you are going too Jess? Did you really think you could escape from me?” My teeth gritted together from the pain and anger, I said with an attitude, “I’d be a fool not to try!” My hand reach out for anything I could grab with in arms length. Feeling a familiar object, a glass vase, I grabbed and aim straight for his head. Glass falling over both of us, he slips back as if stunned. Taking my nails and digging them into his face, he screams a deep angry scream. His grip loosens, I slip from him getting to my feet only to feel the hard floor again as he snatches my feet out from under me. The pain is so intense from the back of his hand or was it his fist across my face. The force of his strength sending me into a daze of darkness, hearing bits and pieces of him yelling, “You Stupid Bitch when are you ever going to learn I am in control. Your rage only excites me, makes me become insane. This will be our final quest. I will have you once more here and then I will have you in death.” Hearing these words, I felt ice in my veins, he was going to rape me again and then kill us both. My body went limp, I can feel him dragging me to my bedroom. He picks me up, throwing me onto the bed. My body feels broken and weak. Tears streaming down my face, I had to stop him. I began to beg him, “Please, Cody, (he likes to hear me say his name) I will do anything, if you won’t do this. You could walk away right now and no one will ever know. I promise I won’t say anything. We don’t have to die and you don’t have to go back to prison. What happened 3 years ago is in the past and today I won’t say a word. You served your time, it’s over! You can get your life back. Please, baby, (I thought maybe if I spoke like I cared, it would help) whatever you want just name it, if you will just walk away.” It seemed to be working because his rage began to ease some what. He looked at me and said, “Anything?” I nodded my head, tears still streaming down my face, my body aching in pain. He moves closer, lying beside me, he kisses my lips, softly and whispers in my ear, “Don’t fight me, Jess. Make love to me-passionately as if you were my wife, my mistress, my lover eager to give your body to me then, I promise, I’ll walk away.” My mouth dropped. This was the further est thing from my mind. My mind questioning myself what do I do? How can I make love to a man that so brutally raped me 3 years ago and her not only to do it again but to end my life as well?
But if I do this, could this be finally over and I get to live? My mind snapped back to his voice, “So what will be?” The thought of my mom and dad having to bury me was more than I could stand. I reached up to him pulling him down to me, i kiss him passionately.

Our lips part, tongues slipping inside each others mouths. My hands slide down his back, caressing his skin underneath my fingers. I move my lips down his neck, biting and sucking. I can hear the moans escape his throat. I push on his chest rolling him onto his back, sliding my tongue down his neck and chest to his nipples, flicking and sucking them, teasing with my tongue. My hand sliding down to his cock, I begin to stroke it from the base up to the head not missing a stroke while my tongue leaves a trail down to replace my hand. His cock slipping into my mouth, he takes his hands through my hair, guiding my head up and down on him, sucking him like a shake through a straw, all the way down letting him feel the vibrations of my moans in my throat only to slide all the way back to the tip and back down again. He released his load deep in my throat but I continue to suck bringing his dick back to a hard. He pulls me off of him, lying me back on the bed, his fingers finding their way between my legs. I did not realize how turned on I had become until his fingers slipped right in. A moan escaped my lips as he begun to finger fuck me and suck on my clit, his other hand reaching up to my breast, stroking them not like before but with passion. I could feel my body begin to tingle and with his mouth on my clit and fingers inside of my pussy, he eased another finger into my ass. His stroking all in sync, I felt my body begin to jerk and an eruption exploded in my body. My hand clutching the sheets, I moaned out in pleasure this time, not in pain. He didn’t stop, sending me into one orgasm after another. I felt a gush of fluid escape my body.

Cody moaned saying, “That’s it, cum for me baby. Cody made his way back up my body kissing me and guiding his cock inside of me, with ease this time not to punish but to pleasure. He slid it all the way in paused then began to stroke in a rhythm. My hands grabbed his ass and pulled him in even further, wanting to feel all of him inside of me. I began to thrust my hips back meeting his every stroke. my body shuttering underneath his, feeling full from his thick cock. After my last orgasm, he whispered in my ear, “I want to be your first in everything, trust me, Jess, I promise I won’t hurt you!” with that said, he pulled me up on all fours, he takes his dick inside of my cunt a few strokes then leans over and tells me to relax, just relax and I will surely enjoy it. He pulled his soaked cock out, took his hand and collected my juices from my soaked pussy and used to soak my ass then pressed the head of his dick to my asshole and eased it in. It hurt at first but for some weird reason I trusted him and relaxed. As he began with every stroke, I got hotter and hotter. I could feel my pussy juicing up even more, the juice began to run down my legs, I began to ride back on him.

Fucking him as hard as he was fucking me, I began to cum once again. He could tell and he spoke, “I want us to cum together and with that he exploded deep in my ass causing me to jerk and explode again and again. We collapsed on my bed, he laid there holding me and I didn’t resist. We laid there what seemed like hours then he finally got up, slid into his clothes, kissed me and said, “A promise is a promise. I told you I would walk away. As bad as I don’t want too, but you held up your end of the deal. I want you to know I’m in love with you, Jess. Not having you drove me mad. This just now what we shared, this is how I wanted it not the other way. I’m sorry, truly sorry.” and with that he was gone. But this time I didn’t move, I just laid there, a part of me wanted him to come back, could this be possible? Could I have feelings for my rapist?