The Miraculous Dildo

Beau, Mary and I stared back at our aggressors as they moved closer. The goth had clearly chosen me as her first victim, perhaps because of my offensive smell.

“Did you say it plans to think ahead, Beau?” I asked as his hands waved in the air before him. “What a fine Unholy Trinity we make! A whore, a gorilla and Captain Jack Fucking Sparrow!”

“Shh!” he demanded as his skull ringed fingers darted quickly around the virtual keyboard that only he could see.

“Where’s that phone box?” I wondered anxiously.

I turned to Mary. She seemed unworried about the danger we were in. Her doe eyes were calmly entreating the villagers to desist. It occurred to me that she was surprisingly young to have a grown Son. And why had I needed to break her hymen if she had given birth? These and other thoughts about this site of Beau’s served to distract me from our immediate danger. Then, as the villagers pressed closer, I saw Mary lift her eyes Heavenwards and begin to pray in Latin. I nearly did the same. How could I have allowed myself into a situation where a gang of religious nutcases wanted to subject me to torture and where I was unable tap myself out and go back to living my normal, boring life?

The goth raised her rake, lunged at me, howled with rage and struck, planting the prongs into the side of the giant, nine foot tall ebony dildo that sprung from the floor just at that moment. Everyone leaped back in shock.

The obscene object absorbed all light. It was a black silhouette, a hole in reality and an affront to the sanity of all those who gazed upon it. The scrotum sprouted bulbously from the base on one side, its main body was firm and straight as a column and at the top it thickened into a ridged crown. The tip had made an inverted crater in the white ceiling with cracks radiating out from it. Its dimensions were most impressive and it must have surely been valued greatly by whichever giantess or giant it belonged to.

The goth wangled her rake free. Like the rest of her companions she was too awestruck to notice Beau scrabble for the door. Despite having to rely purely on touch, as the Dildo reflected no light, he found a way to open a flap in the side, an action that could only be discerned by the Dildo’s sudden widening, and jumped in. Mary and I followed and the three of us pressed together in the absolute darkness of the interior. We could hear our enemies scratching at the door and we held our breath, hoping they would be unable to find the knob.

“OK,” I breathed, “so now what, Beau?

“Um,” he said.

Mary continued to pray and the impotent howls of rage outside slowly faded.

“Does Mary know what she’s doing?” I fretted.

I occurred to me then that it was Mary, not Beau, who had saved us and was now in control of the situation.

“Mary doesn’t really know owt,” said Beau awkwardly.

“She seems to know more than you,” I scoffed while I removed the sweaty gorilla mask.

“She’s just software, Ian,” he sighed. “She’s like a figment of my imagination. I created her. She’s hollow, like an avatar with no user.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

I was really beginning to lose patience with my friend, software whiz kid and great fuck though he was. There was no way she could only be software. Her passion was genuine, that was certain.

He sighed again.

“I’m sorry. I thought I’d made that site pretty secure and I didn’t expect people like that to be any good at hacking.”

I felt gentle, cool fingers fumbling at my crotch and my furry gorilla pants being pulled down a little to free my penis. I felt moist lips touch my cock and a soft palm cradle my balls.

“Beau?” I queried into the darkness. “Is that you?”

If this was his way of making things up to me, he was going the right way about it.

“Is what me?”

Then I realised Mary had stopped praying. Overcome with sudden lust I reached out for Beau and planted my lips on his. We played with each other’s tongues and sucked each other’s lips. Mary sucked my cock to the root, pulled back, then sucked me again. Her lips moved up and down on me more quickly than I had imagined possible.

When Beau moaned, “Oh Mary!” into my mouth I guessed we were both being pleasured simultaneously.

I wrapped my arms around his small body and pressed him against me. Pleasure built in me quickly, not just in my genitals, but in my mouth. His passionate kisses were making my mouth and throat tingle in new and interesting ways. I was thrusting my hips upwards, thrashing and grunting, repeatedly poking my cock into Mary’s head while I sucked on Beau’s tongue. I kissed him hard and ran the tip of my tongue around the rim of his mouth. He held me tightly and I felt pleasure build in my balls and stomach. Ejaculate erupted from my belly in both directions, gushing though my genitals and up through my throat. I came at both ends, squirting my cream into Mary’s mouth and vomiting cum into Beau’s mouth. I heard it guggle down their throats. A few moments later he did the same and a mixture of his hot ectoplasmic boycum and mine shot up from his throat. I swallowed it all, gallons of it though there seemed to be. We licked each other’s lips while his midriff shook and squirmed. I loved the feel of his small frame vibrating against me and the sound of Mary gulping his cum.

I felt thinner lips on me then and a larger, voluptuous body press into me. Mary cupped my face in her long fingered hands and kissed me sensually. Then I heard her do the same to Beau. I laughed breathlessly.

“You’re a genius, Beau. I’ve fallen in lust with software!”

Somehow we repositioned ourselves in the blackness with Mary’s ass against my moist dick. I felt her lean forward and heard Beau groan. I placed my cock at the door of Mary’s anus and gently nudged her. I spent a while lubricating her hole with saliva and the cum from my cock end. Disappointingly, Mary’s anus seemed far too tight for my wide prick, so I settled for fucking the crack of her buttocks for a while as I fingered her clitty. I rubbed myself back and forth over her hole, loving the feeling of her ass cheeks around me. I felt so masculine, so much a man, so strong and virile. I replaced my mask, though the others could not see, and growled like a beast. I felt primal and free from all the imprisoning inhibitions of modern life. I took my joy stick in my paw, moved it downwards, rubbing my helmet over her slick skin, and quickly thrust upwards into her fanny. I had little room to manoeuvre, pressed hard as I was against the wall, so I rocked her hips from side to side to maximise my thrusts while constantly rubbing and stimulating her joy button. She groaned happily into Beau’s penis.

Hands brushed my face and shoulders, making me wonder what kind of position Beau must be in. His moans were coming from the other side of Mary, yet I received a sharp bite on the neck. I decided he must have been contorted into a most awkward posture.

Mary’s pussy contracted hard on my cock, squeezing it like a fist. She pushed herself against me, trapping me, and squirted streams of girlcum into my fur. From that, her wails and the trembling in her long legs I realised I had given her a most satisfying orgasm, so I withdrew and spunked over the small of her back. I leaned forward, rubbed my gorilla juice into her, then grasped her tits with my hairy paws.

“Ahh!” cried Beau, having been brought to an obviously pleasing climax. “Yes, yes, yes!”

Mary straightened and I felt her body turning while still pressed against me. She kissed my muzzle and her lips were hot and sticky. Something strange seemed to have happened to my skin, but I was immediately distracted from this by vibrations in the floor and a series of soft knocking sounds. There having been total silence from outside for a while, this came as quite a shock.

“What’s going on, Beau?” I asked, unable to keep the quavering from my voice.

“I think we’ve arrived.”

“Oh yeah?”

There came a faint wind from beyond the door. Where the hell were we now? I heard Beau push the door and a thin vertical shaft of orange light split the blackness above his head in two. The sudden rush of warm, fresh air came as a relief to me, and, no doubt, my companions, after having been forced to inhale the noxious smell from my rectal voidance. I moved to one side to gain a better view and was blinded by a bright yellow light. The shaft widened and the three of us were bathed in a warm ochre glow. I saw Beau push the door open and step out onto dusty, stony ground. I saw then that there was something wrong with his hand. Also, his face was covered in stubble which did not suit him at all.

“Beau, honey?” I said concerned as I stepped out of the Dildo with Mary.

When I took his arm I was confronted with a hook, but no hand.

“Oh shit,” said Beau, regarding me with concern. “Now you really are a gorilla.”

I felt my face and prodded my body gingerly. Instead of feeling myself through the material of the gorilla suit I was now feeling with the suit itself. My skin had become the suit! I only realised then that my posture was so stooped my head was now on a level with Beau’s.

“I’m a fucking gorilla!” I howled hoarsely.

I turned my simian glare on Beau who, disturbed by the sight, edged away from me. He fell in the dust, kicking his wooden leg in the air. Mary and I ran to his aid and tried to find his old leg, but now it ended in a stump and the rest was now hewn from oak. I sniggered.

“It’s not funny, Ian!” he said crossly, pulling his black, three cornered hat down and struggling to his foot.

Mary maintained her placid, altruistic, loving expression throughout. Her face was now daubed with thick make up, her minuscule skirt was leather and she wore red stilettos.

Swearing to myself I tapped my right nostril and was able to bring up my virtual keyboard. I tried to access the site’s settings so that I could at least be rid of this ridiculous avatar, but the ape body failed to change back into my beautiful muscular human body no matter how many times I hit ‘enter’. From the sight of Beau’s fingers and hook wiggling desperately in front of him I guessed he was attempting, and failing, to restore his missing bits.

I gave up and considered the three of us standing there, in the middle of a dry wasteland. I howled with laughter and the deafening sound echoed from some distant rocks. Apart from those and the Dildo there was nothing to break the scene of utter desolation. There were no signs of life anywhere, not even vegetation. In these days of overpopulation when all the Earth’s resources had been plundered and almost exhausted, including living space, such scenes could only exist in virtual reality. Once again I was in awe of Beau’s ability to create such an environment so convincing to the senses. The sun squatted on the horizon and threw pink streaks across the clouds. Just then the wind stopped for a second, fell silent, juddered and recommenced. The glitch comforted me slightly, reminding me that, back in Deckard House, my old body was safe, female, fur free and smooth browed.

“Well,” I said to my companions, “it’s really been nice seeing you again, Beau, and it’s been lovely meeting you, Mary, but I really need some rest. So if you’ll excuse me.”

I tapped the left side of my flat broad nose to end the session. Nothing happened. Unreality persisted, rather impertinently I thought.

“Fuck it!” I screamed, making my friends jump.

Beau tried and also failed to exit. He hobbled about irritably, smiting the dust with his stump. Mary stuck her finger up her nose, but also failed to vanish.

“It won’t work for you,” mumbled Beau at her. “Bugger it! I don’t even know why I’m talking to it.”

“Don’t be rude to Mary.”

He turned to me with exasperation on his child like face.

“I told you she’s not real, Ian!”

I looked away, ignoring him. He sighed again.

“I’m sorry, Ian. I’m a bit upset. I just can’t think what’s happened. I think we must’ve really upset those church people.”

When he lifted his eyes I saw they were red and glistening with tears. I went to him and pulled him to me. I did not mind when he accidentally poked me in the back with his hook. He had told me his user was thirty two, but I was beginning to believe he was really a child. I let him cry into my fur like the little boy his user probably was. He was clearly very scared and unable to think of a way for us to escape. This hardly lifted my mood, but as his elder, I felt obliged to show him as much courage as I could muster. I exchanged smiles with Mary and felt grateful for her company too.

“So,” I said presently, holding Beau’s arms and regarding him firmly, “what’s our best plan? Should we get back into the Dildo?”

He shook his head and made to wipe his eyes with his hook before realising and using his hand.

“I don’t know, Ian,” he said. “I’d like to lie down for a little bit.”

He pointed to the distant outcrop of rocks.

“We could shelter there,” he suggested.

Mary and I agreed as the Dildo offered no room to lie down and the shadow it cast was too slender to shelter three. As we set off, my eyes were drawn momentarily by something near it. I saw nothing, but wondered if Beau had added some simulations of wildlife on this site. When I wondered this aloud he shook his head and continued hopping. Despite his disability and Mary’s stilettos we reached the rock more quickly than I had expected. However, the warm temperature had not increased as I had anticipated. The sun was still on the horizon and the clouds appeared motionless. Maybe this was an unfinished site that Beau had not been able, or inclined, to complete. On the other side of the outcrop, beneath an ominously overhanging rock there was a small cave where we lay down in the cool air. I was startled to find animal droppings and so was careful to find somewhere reasonably clean.

After a short doze I awoke to see, near the mouth of cave, Mary sitting in Beau’s lap with her arm around his shoulder. His hat was off and she was unbuttoning his white frilly shirt. She held his chin and placed her mouth firmly on his. She then removed his shirt, unbuckled his pants and removed those too. He seemed self conscious about his missing members, but Mary smoothed his furrowed brow with more kisses. She gently unbuckled the straps that fastened his hook and peg to his stumps and kissed the soft flesh thus revealed. She took his hand and placed it on her breast, smiling at him encouragingly. His stiffy poked against her thigh and she softly placed her hand on it.
My own penis was hard by now, so I hopped across the rocky surface of the cave towards them. Beau yelped at the sight of me, then apologised timidly. I shrank at the sound of his alarm as it echoed behind me. Mary smiled at me, but Beau was unable t0 hide his revulsion. I took the message and miserably retired to a corner to masturbate while my friends enjoyed themselves. I admired their beauty and wished I could participate in their pleasure. They seemed made for each other. From where I watched shadows concealed poor Beau’s physical defects. They both had such lustrous, long, dark hair, such beautiful alabaster skin and it seemed I was witnessing the miraculous sight of a seraph copulating with a cherub.

She sat astride him and rubbed herself against his thigh. He fondled her boobs and wauled as she continued to rub his prick. She sucked him for a while, affording me an opportunity to admire the wide pale pink cushions of her rear. Then she gently eased herself down on him to straddle him again. Her back was curved so that her ass was against his thighs and I realised that she was fucking him anally. Unlike mine, Beau’s prick must have been small enough to penetrate her there. Initially, as she lifted herself up and down on him, she accompanied her movements with faint whines of protest, but these soon became wails of pleasure. She rubbed herself back and forth across his lap, gathering speed. Beau clasped her shoulders, bit her neck and gasped, a broad, child like smile of joy on his sweet face. He nuzzled her neck, licked her ear and began to fuck to her back energetically, his whole body rocking and bucking.

“Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!” he cried, shaking bouncing beneath her.

Cum rocketed from my jet black prick, hit the rock above and hung there like a stalactite. I fired the next volley in the direction of the two lovers. One hit Mary’s back, the other landed in Beau’s hair, though they seemed not to notice as they came together, their moans and groans ricocheting around the cave walls. I had managed to stifle my own, so as not to scare them. I could hear the squelching of him inside her and the rasping of her hand in her pubic hair. I saw Mary’s ejaculation from where I sat, her juices shooting upwards like a fountain between their faces. Jets of her cum arced over their heads, catching the light and glistening like droplets of rain. She seemed to have an unlimited source of energy and maintained her pounding of him until he seemed utterly spent. She lovingly caressed him as he regained his breath. His flushed face was wet and glowed with love. He smiled his cheeky smile with the tip of his tongue caught between his teeth. I felt so sorry for having been angry with such a lovely boy and shed another tear for myself in self pity, this time from my eye.

“Vos es valde dulcis,” she told him softly.

After bestowing on him some more gentle petting, she stood and walked a few paces from the cave. Her naked body looked so fabulous against the orange and blue sky. She laughed, turned to Beau and began capering up and down, kicking up dust and stones, even cartwheeling and jumping. Beau managed to ease himself up by holding onto the rock and he hopped over to her with his three stumps waggling in the air. She grasped him firmly and lifted him high into the air above her head. She spun him around and around, making him laugh and squeal like a child. Then she held him to her like a doll, squeezing him to her breasts.

Just as Beau began sucking on her nipples we all started at a sudden noise. From inside the cave I was unable to tell from which direction it came. The happiness fled from Beau’s face as he hopped back quickly to the cave for his clothes. In a panic he stumbled and I leapt to his aid. He did not flinch from me, which gladdened me somewhat. Mary and I helped him dress and reattach his hook and peg. Mary seemed unconcerned about her clothes and neither Beau nor I were about to object to that. She had sweated her awful make up off and was now as fresh as I had seen her in the church. I asked Beau what he thought the noise could have been. It had sounded like a large animal. He shook his head, apparently unable to think of an explanation. We cautiously edged our way around the rock until we came again into view of the Dildo.

The obelisk thrust up from the ground and stood like a penis shaped black hole against the dawn, but now there were several smaller black shapes moving around it and edging slowly closer. There must have been about twenty of them.

Beau snickered and said to me, “They look like you.”

The ape like men, or men like apes had reached the Dildo and were now gingerly touching its surface.

“Yeah, but who the fuck are they?” I wondered.

He shrugged.

“I guess they’re users who found this site and decided they liked it. I never promoted it, but anyone can use it if they like, just like the last one.”

“But it looks like they’re about to the use the Dildo! If they take that we’re stuffed!”

“They probably won’t. They’re not stuck here like us. They can exit whenever they like. It’s only your software and mine that’s been corrupted.”

“I’m glad you know what’s going on, ’cause I’m fucked if I do!”

“Shh!” Mary hushed us. “Ego sentio a nocens sensus super is.”

“It should be OK,” said Beau and, beckoning us to follow, moved away from the rock and approached the site’s visitors.

When we came within shouting distance he called to them, waving his hook and tripping over a stone. Mary and I both held him as we walked. The hairy humanoids spun around and fixed their shining black eyes on us with convincingly bestial hostility.
One opened its mouth to reveal fangs of concerning length, waved one arm as if to shoo us away, and in an accent similar to Beau’s, only broader, answered, “Only ape avatars are allowed here, thou knows! Get thee gone, thou importunate ninny hammers!”

Close to the Dildo a group of five apes were conferring and I felt a chill. There was clearly going to be trouble with this lot, who clearly saw Beau and Mary, and possibly me, as unwelcome intruders. Beau smiled his innocent smile.

“Please just let us get to our transport and we’ll be out of your way,” he said affably, commendably concealing his fear.

“That’s right,” I added. “We don’t want to spoil your fun, or whatever it is you get up to here.”

As we neared them I became aware that one had broken away from the group and was now quite close to me. It really did look like some kind of missing link or primitive man.

“Hello,” it said in a woman’s voice. “What’s your name then?”

She edged closer and sniffed. Another shuffled over and eyed me up and down. Before I could think to defend myself one had my legs in a firm grip and the other was pulling me down. I struggled against them, rolling helplessly in the dust, but they were remarkably strong. One straddled my chest, forcing me to inhale fumes from her filthy, hairy behind. The other set about yanking on my apehood as one would a subway strap until it was painfully sore. Beau would have come to my aid had he not been too busy contending with his own assailants.

“Look, please,” he entreated, as a number of apes began pulling on his pirate outfit, forcing him to hop from side to side to avoid toppling over again. “Can’t we come to some kind of amicable agreement?”

“Amicable nowt!” growled their apparent representative. “Efackers, this is a right twatty avatar ye got ‘ere!”

I pummelled the back of the ape on my chest, but to no avail. Her weight was impossible to shift and was nearly suffocating me. Meanwhile the other was performing oral on me with all the delicacy one could expect from an ape. Five others had gathered round to watch. I noticed they were passing an object between them and each one seemed reluctant to hold it.

It was a pair of gardening shears.

I screamed. One who seemed to hold no qualms about using such a tool on a vulnerable gorilla grabbed them from the others, grinned at me and tested them, snicking at the air before my face with the sharp blades. I screamed again and fought even more desperately against my molesters.

Suddenly there was a piercing, shrill noise that filled the perpetual dawn of the barren landscape. The apes stopped their threats and molestations and turned to face the Dildo. Through their bent, hairy legs there shone a bright pink strobing light. I was quickly abandoned by my admirers and would be castrators. A few feet from where I lay I saw Beau once more on his back with his hook and peg flailing impotently. The Dildo was a bright pink throbbing obscenity that, nevertheless, seemed to be inspiring a religious devotion in the apes. They were kneeling before it, frozen in awe. In front of it stood the curvaceous silhouette of Mary, her arms outstretched, while her ecstatic prayer could just be discerned above the electronic shriek. I scrambled to my back paws and went to help Beau who was unable to stand by himself. We made no attempt to shout above the noise and agreed, with many wild gesticulations, that making for the Dildo as quickly as possible was our best plan. We hopped and shuffled between the supplicants, casting long shadows behind us in the almost blinding pink light from the Dildo. The knob was just as troublesome to find as before, but find it we eventually did and pulled the door open. I grabbed Mary’s uplifted arm and hauled her in behind us. The apes were apparently far too in awe of the Dildo to detain us.

The interior, in contrast to before, was now so bright one had to close one’s eyes firmly for a while before they became adjusted to the glare. Before I managed to open them I became aware that my body was different again. I felt my chest and hips and was profoundly relieved to find that my avatar had reverted to its default setting. I opened my eyes to see my gorgeous, brawny, dark skinned body complete with silk shirt and leather trousers. I threw my head back and laughed, but moaning from a few feet away sobered me quickly.

As my eyes adjusted further I found I was standing in a room larger than the Dildo could possibly contain. Everything was bathed in a bright, slowly strobing, pink light that hurt the eyes and colored all it touched to the extent that our surroundings seemed to be throbbing like tumescent flesh. Mary stood near to me, back in her robes, looking as divine and pure as ever. We were in a circular room dotted with odd bulbous growths on the wall, a large flat screen television set opposite the door we had entered and with a table in the centre full of multifarious, arcane devices whose functions one could merely guess at, save the black old fashioned dial telephone in the centre.

Beside the table stood a stocky, middle aged man in a long tartan coat and an even longer tartan woolly scarf. A look of absolute horror troubled his cherubic face. His spherical head bore three strands of jet black hair combed across his otherwise completely bald shining pate. However, his innocent features were unmistakable. It was Beau.

Mary and I went to console our friend. It was only Mary’s look of admonition that stopped me from bursting into uncontrolled peals of laughter.

The floor lurched and I guessed that we were on our way again.

Copyright © Irma Cerrutti 2010